An open letter to all SC EMS services
by Robert Joseph Baker | December 3, 2017 5:28 am
Last Updated: December 3, 2017 at 3:29 am
Hi, Emergency Medical Services folks.
I realize we’ve never talked before, so I will introduce myself. My name is Robert. I go by Bobby. I have red hair, blue eyes and I’m a Taurus.
I’m not the biggest people person. I really like ketchup.
But I’m not writing to tell you about me. No, I have a proposition for you.
I’m not sure if you need ambulance drivers or not. I don’t know how shortages work in the EMS industry. I hear there’s a shortage of nurses all the time, but the media doesn’t report anything about you guys.
I guess I’m partly responsible for that, too, and I hope that doesn’t make you turn down my proposal outright.
I know a woman who will be retiring from full-time work soon. She’s been on time every day that she’s worked at BD in Sumter for 44 years. She’s rarely missed a day of work.
She sat with me all day and night Friday at the ER after being at work for 12-hour days all that week and didn’t complain about it.
And that day was her birthday.
She will need something to do when she retires, and since she drives like an absolute maniac, I figure she could help you guys out by driving ambulances.
Recently, I came into a bit of car trouble. Therefore, Momma has either taken me to work or I’ve taken her to work and then went to work myself and then have gone back to pick her up at night.
I’m not sure what changed; she used to drive slowly. And I mean slowly.
But not anymore. Somewhere or other she’s discovered her inner Jeff Gordon, or maybe she was a moonshine runner or NASCAR driver in a past life, and now the speed limits are just suggestions.
In the past week, we’ve gone through downtown Sumter at about 60 mph. Traffic lights were, like speed limits, a suggestion, not the law.
When she turns, her foot doesn’t realize that the brake exists. We took turns on two wheels at 40 and 50 mph.
One day, I got car sick. I’ve never gotten car sick.
But don’t let that last thing make you not consider her for your force. I mean, after all, the people she will be transporting are already sick. How much sicker can they get?
She hasn’t killed anyone. Yet.
So, she will retire probably within the next year. I suspect the driving will get even faster and more nuanced. She will use her trips to Walmart and Bi-Lo for practice.
You can call me at The Manning Times to make further inquiries. The number is (803) 435-8422.
I’ll be waiting.
Robert J. Baker is the editor for The Manning Times. His kidneys hate him.