by TERI NORSWORTHY
I woke up this morning thinking about my Daddy. I miss being able to pick up the phone to call him for our weekly visit. Our home was a country store located about half way between Gila Bend and Buckeye, AZ in the middle of the desert.
Anyone from there is aware of the fact that Arizona’s yearly rainfall averages three inches and it has a long summer season. We would chat about my boys and what they were up to or a sale I had just put to bed. He would tell me about his adventures with National Soil Conservation or about a farm that he was getting ready to purchase, or an invention he was currently working on. He would go on about issues of the day. There was always a story about someone dropping into his country store. His perspective always took the subject to a higher ground. He was a very positive person and I have found no one to compare to his sense of humor.
One morning I called and asked him what was going on. To quote him “Well, it rained over in Gila Bend yesterday but we didn’t get to go!” That should tell you about what retired life was like for him and his second wife. He was my best friend and a mentor to my boys. Every summer, the day after school was out, I would put my boys on a plane bound for Arizona to spend the next three months with my parents.
I grieved at the loss of my dad for over a year. He was in his sixties when he passed away. Every day I would look through the photo/memoirs’ album he and I put together only a few months prior to his demise. I found items he left behind on his last visit and kept them out in sight where I would think on the events of the day when he used them. I was so afraid of losing the memories we had created together through the years so I would rehearse them repeatedly in my imagination. I did not want to forget what he looked like and kept his photos in the room he slept in during his visits. I was very depressed and found it difficult to do the smallest of tasks around the house. I cried every day and would finally make my face and comb my hair before my husband came in after work. It was all I could do to make dinner at night.
I kept a journal of my daily life and finally I decided I could not go on in that state. So, I put away the photos, trinkets and album. I knew one thing; I never wanted to go through anything like that again. Then, when the thoughts would conjure up in my mind, I would immediately cast them down and replace that thought with something positive or with a scripture. I would make myself think good thoughts until I felt better. This was quite a battle of the mind. The sad thoughts came at me rapid fire, one after another. But as I put into practice casting down the sad thoughts, they became fewer and farther between. I began to heal and the pain of the loss lessened. I think I learned a very painful lesson during that time of recovery over grief. It was very debilitating!
Since then we have lost two of our sons during their early years. I know that there is a time to grieve that is healthy and I do not intend to diminish the reality of the process. I have found that the lessons I learned with the loss of my dad have helped me to navigate through the process of the loss of a loved one in a quicker and healthy fashion. I have one quick fix against the sad thoughts when I am in the car. I immediately turn on the scriptures on one of my DVDs and it only takes about a minute to get back on track. This is not to say that I can’t fall into despair at the drop of a hat IF I allow myself to. Some losses are natural with a life long lived, but others are tragic and seem harder to overcome. But the casting down of imaginations is a very powerful tool to coming to grips with your life. I have found it to be my salvation during these times.
Now, my thoughts of my Daddy are precious and there is no pain along with the memory. I do have a few regrets that I did not take advantage of; the times I could have taken a few of the trips he invited me on or questioned him more about our ancestors. There are so many things I think about now that never entered my mind back then. Relationships are so precious and we should cultivate them so that we don’t have many regrets when they come to an end. Death is something we will all experience. It is natural and the sooner we face the realities the better off we will be when we experience them.
