I’m one of those people with quite a lot of pet peeves.
My stepmother, Debbie, and my mother, Marcia, are always telling me to stop taking things so seriously and to stop letting things “get on (my) nerves.”
But I can’t help it.
There are just certain things that, when they happen, make me want to pull my own teeth out.
One of those is the use of “first annual.”
For example, if I were to say, “This is the first annual Things that Annoy Bobby Awards,” I would be absolutely wrong and getting on my own nerves. Something cannot be annual until it happens a second time a year after the first - inaugural - event.
I see it in press releases all the time, as I do the word “citizen.”
A lot of politicians use the word “citizen” when talking about their constituents. A local official might say something like, “I am so pleased that we can provide such services to our citizens.”
Let me tell you a story about the word “citizen.”
No. The end.
If you have a passport, it has “United States of America” embossed on the front. Not Clarendon County, South Carolina.
You are a resident of Clarendon County. You are a resident of Manning, Summerton, Turbeville, Paxville, Alcolu, Wyboo, Goat Island, Pinewood, Rimini, etc.
You’re not a citizen of those places. You don’t pledge allegiance to the flag of Davis Station.
Another phrase used in everyday parlance that drives me absolutely nuts occurs when someone unfortunately leaves this earth.
Inevitably, somewhere someone will say, “Heaven has gained another angel.”
Girl, bye.
Perhaps it’s my upbringing in the Southern Baptist and Independent Baptist tradition, but this statement always has me giving so much side eye that I get a headache.
Humans and angels, if you believe in the latter, are different types of beings. Humans were created - again if you believe in that - by God with free will; angels have none.
The Christian-Judeo tradition holds that angels are spiritual beings who are intermediate between God and men; they serve as messengers who “provide people with an articulation of the conviction that God is intimately involved in human life.”
Islam essentially treats these spiritual beings in the same manner, with the Qu’ran specifically calling them messengers.
I get that people say it during a time of mourning to make the mournful feel better, but it still drives me nuts.
The phrase, “Such and such is my spirit animal” also drives me nuts. First of all, are you Native American? Are you referring to an actual animal?
It’s almost as bad as the phrase, “Music is my life!”
I knew a girl in college who at least once a day would exclaim that music was her life. She couldn’t sing, she couldn’t play an instrument and was as familiar with musical notation as she was with Sanskrit.
I have played the piano for 31 years. I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t able to read music or play an instrument.
I play for a church and weddings and funerals and special events and also give concerts every now and again.
I spend probably two to three hours a week sitting at a piano.
Still, at no point would I say, “Music is my life!”
And, God be with us, I need a couple of moments every time I come across formal writing in which someone has used an ampersand, a percentage sign or some other character to serve as an abbreviation for a word that should be spelled out properly.
But all of these pale in comparison to people asking folks like myself, who don’t care for children, when they’re going to have children. Or, you know, telling me that I will change my mind.
I told this woman who just asked out of the blue when I was going to “give (my) parents some grands” that I had no intention of having children because I don’t care for them.
“Well, you were a child once.”
Yes, that’s true. And, guess what? I didn’t like children then either. I had a few friends my age, but I would spend recess sitting with the teachers and talking about the other kids in the class. I would rather sit and listen to the adults talk than go outside and play with my cousins, most of the time.
That was followed by, “Well, you just don’t know real love until you have a child of your own.”
A friend and former coworker, Melanie, had the best retort to this several years ago.
“Wow, that’s really insulting to my husband,” she said in response to someone flabbergasted that she had been married for several years and hadn’t turned into a baby factory.
I can’t be sure, but I think she’s been married at least a decade now, and she loves her husband no less because she hasn’t popped out a litter. In all that time, she hasn’t changed her mind.
Children are messy. Children make a lot of noise. Children need constant attention.
I just don’t have the strength to deal with all that. I know me, and I’m selfish. I like getting up when I want and going to bed when I want. I like being able to watch what I want on TV and going out when I want to.
You know what messes all that up?
Kids.
If you have them or if you want them, that’s awesome. You’re continuing humanity. You’re going forth and multiplying.
But don’t treat me like I’m singlehandedly working toward the extinction of humanity because I’d rather have cats than babies.
I do like certain children. I have two nieces, Alaina, 8, and Whitney, 18. It helped that they didn’t really cry a lot and they have always acted more like little adults than children.
Leigh Ann has two children, Bailey, 13, and Ryleigh, 9. I treat them both like nieces.
But they don’t make me want to run out and get a passel of my own.
Robert Joseph “Bobby” Baker does a little bit of everything for The Manning Times. He probably should really lighten up and stop taking things so seriously.
